She's JV to your varsity
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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