So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize