he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
