is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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