He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
