It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
