I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
