everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
