im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
