You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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