i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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