I swear god or herbie drove my car home
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
