Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
