i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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