The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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