I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
