she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
