We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
