Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
