she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
