No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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