Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
