I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
