If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
