i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
