my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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