i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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