I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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