Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
