When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
