Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
