Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
