My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
