Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
