'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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