Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
