i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
