If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
