So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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