Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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