I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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