he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
