Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize