i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
