i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
