i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize