Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
