I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize