Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
