you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
