If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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