I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
love makes seman taste better
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
