chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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