I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
