I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
