Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
