A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
