Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
