My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
