Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
