If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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