I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
