Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize