Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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