Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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