Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
