the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
