either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
