That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
