Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well you can't waste a boner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize