DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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