I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
